Stacie joins us, as do a handful of girlfriends. The music turns from jazz to a thumping bass drum, and soon everyone is talking and laughing and getting up to dance. As the evening progresses, I relax a bit, and Jon seems to recover from his shyness. I wave down the waiter and order a cocktail when it arrives, I take long swigs. 'Wow, me too! That's another thing we have in common!' Jon says so earnestly that I can't help but laugh.Īlthough I've known Jon for half my life, it feels as if we are on a blind date. I pause for a moment, then say the first thing that pops into my head: 'Basketball, I guess.' 'What's your favorite sport?' he asks out of nowhere, rocking nervously back and forth on the couch. We move on to other topics, but our conversation has taken on an edge and Jon seems to have suddenly reverted to his shy, gawky teenage self. There's something happening between us, the air around us charged with possibility. The word feels strange on my tongue.įrom the look on Jon's face it's also the first time he's considered me in this light. I haven't thought of myself this way yet, as 'single.' Though it's technically true, I still feel in limbo. 'What about you?' I say, eager to change the topic. I want to believe this - that moving on from my relationship with Will is going to help me move on from my illness. I make it sound as if it's all firmly in the past, as if it needs no untangling. It's the first time I've had to explain any of this out loud. Jon catches my eye from across the lobby, and as I walk across the room to greet him, I wobble a little under his gaze. His skin, a dark honey-brown, looks luminous, and his features - those lips, aquiline nose, and broad shoulders - give him the majestic air of a prince. Tall and slim, dressed impeccably in a tailored suit and leather boots, he's handsome enough to startle me. Now, with his thick New Orleanian drawl, virtuosic piano chops, and dapper style, he has the kind of magnetic presence that turns heads and draws everyone in a room. Jon was gangly and awkward then, with a mouth full of braces and baggy, ill-fitting clothes, so shy he bordered on mute. The two of us go way back to band camp where we met as teenagers.

When I arrive at the hotel, Jon is waiting in the lobby.

At the last minute, I invite an old friend to join me, one who knew me long before my sickness. I fuss with my hair, trying to make it look a bit less post- chemo, more punk-pixie. I change out of my sweatpants and T-shirt and into a dress - a hip black dress with a high neckline that conceals my port. No part of me feels up to socializing, but I force myself to go anyway. A little less than a month after Will moves out, my friend Stacie, a singer, invites me to hear her perform at the swanky NoMad Hotel. I have no idea of what that entails, so I look to healthy peers for cues. I want so badly to be a normal twenty-six-year-old.

Book review between two kingdoms